Turning Struggle Into Superpower: Things I Wish I Knew at 14

At fourteen, sweatpants were my daily attire, my braces were neon pink, and I was terrified to speak. I would wake up and immediately count down the hours until I’d be back in bed, never ready for the chills that soared through my skin as I walked down the long high school hallway as the sun came up. Notes from my classmates would fall out of my locker, telling me that if I wasn’t going to speak, I shouldn’t come to school and I shouldn’t be alive. I took these words to heart, branding myself with the identity of not worth it. One day, I saw another student at his locker suffering from the same torment.

I went up to him and said the two words I wished somebody would tell me: you matter.

He started to cry and told me my words validated him. That’s when it clicked. I went home from school that day, sat at my kitchen table and designed The Validation Project. It started out as a lunchtime meet-up group for students getting bullied.

Now, I am a senior in college, and The Validation Project is a global youth empowerment organization! To date, we’ve worked with more than 6,000 students one-on-one and 20,000 students through our kindness curriculum, which teaches educators how to work with students to make activism a core part of school. But when I started The Validation Project website nearly seven years ago, I had no idea what was going to happen. Here’s what I wish I knew at 14, before any of this started, when I was being bullied and still felt lost:

1. Asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s a sign of strength. If you’re struggling, tell an adult you trust.
2. You are not the unkind words people call you in the hallway or write on the notes in your locker. You are so much more. And the pain you feel is not permanent.
3. Ten seconds of courage can cause a domino effect of impact. If you see someone getting bullied, be a validator; make sure they know they matter and find an adult you trust to help them out.
4. Ask yourself, “Would you talk to your best friend the same way you talk to yourself?” Knowing you’re worth it starts with being kind to yourself.
5. Take off your mask. When you are your fullest self, you give your peers the permission to be their fullest selves too.
6. Fake it until you feel it. You might not be confident right now. But take a deep breath and do the thing that scares you. The worst case scenario, it doesn’t work out -- but you’ll never know if you don’t try.
7. You can turn your struggle into your superpower. I was able to take my experience with bullying and use it to help and empower others. You know those trusted adults from point #1, like your school counselor or principal? Talk to them about efforts you can take to stop bullying and spread kindness at your school. You have the power to make a difference!

I can’t go back to my 14-year-old self and tell her all this (unless anyone has a time machine I can borrow?!), but I can tell you! In my darkness of being bullied, I found my light; I founded The Validation Project. I’ve never been able to journal, but my Instagram has kind of become my public diary (@valiswiser). I share my adventures with friends, the places The Validation Project takes me to, and the hard stuff -- the moments when I do not feel confident or I am nervous to speak an idea aloud. And just remember: you matter.

A few kind words can make a huge impact. Let others know that they matter by sharing positive affirmations through our Mirror Messages campaign. Join thousands of young people brightening their classmates' days with encouraging notes.