Ask Freddie: “My Crush Seems Really Into Me but Hasn’t Made a Move. What Do I Do?”

“Ask Freddie” is a monthly advice column where Freddie, DoSomething’s Director of Mobile Messaging, answers anonymous questions from DoSomething members. The topics are always different -- the answers are always REAL. Are you seeking advice? Ask Freddie an anonymous question.

Question: I feel played. I feel like this guy in one of my classes just led me on for no reason, now idk how to feel like since he made me actually enjoy going to class and we would sit next to each other and he seemed so nice and sweet and caring. Even the professor thought we were a thing. We would even wait for each other after class and now that the class is over idk how to feel since he seemed interested but didn’t proceed to actually pushing it a step further. He even seemed to want to take a class together next semester too, but I couldn’t take that class with him because I still have to finish my classes required for my major. So now I just feel like what was the point of him seeming like he was so interested in me if he wasn’t going to proceed to taking it a step further?

Hey Played,

It sounds like Mr. So Nice, Sweet, and Caring has let you down big time by not pursuing a more romantic relationship with you. It’s normal to feel confused when someone is sending you all the right signals, but then doesn’t act on what you thought they were trying to tell you. I’m also hearing you feel frustrated that he hasn’t made a move or taken things beyond the fliration you had in and after class.

Here’s the thing, Played -- you might feel defeated right now, but I urge you to not give up. If you really like this guy, I encourage you to let him know and ask him out! There’s two ways it can go. He’ll say yes or he’ll say no -- why wait for Mr. Nice to ask the question? Brace yourself for both answers. It’s possible that he hasn’t made any moves yet because he’s shy or worried that you’ll reject him! You just need to ask.

It’s also possible that he values you as a friend and nothing more. If that’s the case, it will hurt, Played. It seems like you’ve made an idea of what he was looking for in a relationship with you, and learning that might not be the case will take some time to get over. When our expectations don’t turn out as we planned, that’s hard. If he does tell you he isn’t looking to be more than friends, it’s okay to be honest and let him know that the way he acted led you to believe something else. By being honest, you’ll leave with more answers than question marks.

At the end of the day, if you want your relationship to grow with him either romantically or as friends, you’ll need to open yourself up to communicating what you really want. Be honest with him and with yourself. If he doesn’t want more than a friendship, is he someone that you still care about? Give yourself the space to think about what you want and what you need, no matter the outcome.

Be open, friend.

You got this,

Freddie

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