Ask Freddie: “How Do I Make New Friends?”

“Ask Freddie” is a monthly advice column where Freddie, DoSomething’s Director of Mobile Messaging, answers anonymous questions from DoSomething members. The topics are always different -- the answers are always REAL. Are you seeking advice? Ask Freddie an anonymous question.

Hey everyone, I’m Freddie!

You probably know me as that person who pops up in your messages every week. If you don’t, let me introduce myself. I’m the Director of Mobile Messaging here at DoSomething.org, and I text over 3 million young people every week. I text about things like new ideas on how to make a difference in their communities, updates on what’s happening in the news, articles I’m reading, or playlists with the latest music I’m listening to.

Texting that many people, I get back hundreds, sometimes thousands, of replies and questions! I try my best to reply to everyone personally. I get a little help from our chatbot and auto replies, but I’m able to read every message you send me. I love receiving your questions -- everything from “What’s your favorite thing to eat?” to “How do I know where to go to college?” to “How do I tell my parents I’m trans?” to “How do I know if I’m ready to have sex?”

Turns out a ton of you are curious or unsure about a lot of the same things.

And because my texts with members are one-to-one and private, you’re opening up and asking me the questions many of us are too afraid to ask out loud, in public, or face to face.

So I decided to take a few of your anonymous questions and answer them the best I can. Sometimes I’ll give advice from my own experience, and sometimes I’ll tap into the real experts to get you the answers you need. Below are my first responses to real questions I received. Have a question you want answered? Submit your question -- I might answer it next!

Question: I’m about to start at a new school, what can I do to make new friends?

It’s been a while since I had a “first day back at school” -- I’m 30 now -- but I remember the emotions I felt on that day so vividly. You haven’t told me this, but I’m assuming that some of your question is rooted in the fear of feeling left out or not fitting in. That’s a normal concern to have, and if you’re the new kid in class, let’s face it, you’re starting on a different playing field compared to your other classmates. But you can, and you will, make friends if you do these three things: Be involved. Be open. Be you.

1) Be Involved

Learn what clubs and activities are happening at school or on campus, and find things that you’re passionate about! It’s easier to make friends when you can connect through shared interests. Do you like to draw or paint? See if your school has an art club, or see if your theater club needs help painting their backdrops for the school play. Passionate about a specific cause? Love animals? Volunteer at your local animal shelter or host a dog wash to collect donated supplies!

2) Be Open

Don’t be afraid to try new things! This applies to starting a new year at school and life in general. The best parts and people in my life have come from opening myself up to trying new experiences and taking risks.

When I was a junior in high school, I had a huge crush on a close friend of mine (that’s a story and advice for another day) and wanted to spend more time with her. She was on the softball team and when practice started, we didn’t get to see each other as much as before, so she invited me to come hang out at their practices. I’m by no means athletic, knew nothing about softball, and didn’t know anyone else on the team. I was worried that I wouldn’t fit in and would be seen as a weirdo just sitting around on the bench. I went anyways. Once I was there, I found my place. I started keeping score for the team (there’s a whole system to it) and become the unofficial cheerleader. By opening myself up to this new experience and facing my fear, I found a team, a community, a new skill, and new friends. Oh, and my friend I was crushing on? We started dating, but I’ll save more of that story for another day.

Odds are you’re still figuring out who you are and what you like to do. Don’t be afraid to say yes (hat tip to Shonda Rhimes) when given the choice to experience something new.

By trying new things, you’ll learn more about yourself and make new friends along the way. What will you say yes to?

3) Be You

This is the hardest of them all, but the most important. If you bring your whole self to school, unapologetically, people will gravitate towards you. The best part? By being yourself you’re bound to make meaningful, lifelong friendships. Your new classmates (and future friends) are dying to get to know YOU.

Question: I want to get more involved in my community, but I’m under 18 and can’t vote. How can I help?

Can I tell you how excited I am to get this question? It’s one of the most frequent questions I see at DoSomething. I’m even more excited to tell you the answer: your voice matters even if you aren’t eligible to vote. Remember, it’s the job of your elected official to serve all people, not just the people who voted for them! Use your voice by calling your elected officials about issues you care about. Show up at your local town hall and advocate for change you want to see in your community. Guess what -- you can even run for office! You could win a seat on your school board, city council, or in some states even run for governor, like four teenagers in Kansas are doing now.

With the midterm elections approaching in November, you also have the power to influence and encourage your friends and family to register to vote and head to the polls.

Remind your 18+ people about their voter registration deadlines by sharing an online voter registration page (you can make your very own page) or by hosting a voter registration drive at school. (Oh! And if you’re reading this and you are over 18, take 2 minutes and register to vote.)

Question: There is this boy who really, really likes me. I don’t know if I like him or not and his friend keeps pressuring me to make a decision...what do I do?

It seems to me that you’re feeling confused about your feelings for the boy, and the pressure from his friend is further clouding your judgement.

Let’s start here: the way you feel (or don’t feel) for someone is your choice and your choice alone to make. No one is allowed to rush your feelings.

As much as you’re worthy of the admiration and desire of someone else, you’re also deserving of experiencing feelings for someone without pressure! From anybody.

I can get where boy’s friend is coming from. They’re probably trying to look out for their friend and his feelings. But the more they interfere, the harder it will be for you to sort through your feelings for boy. Kindly ask them to back off and give you the space to make your own choice, for the best interest of you and boy! I’m sure boy will feel better knowing you like him because YOU decided that. And if you don’t share the same feelings, he’ll appreciate the truth too.

Want to receive weekly texts from Freddie? Text JOIN to 38383! You can also ask Freddie a question.

DoSomething.org is the largest not-for-profit exclusively for young people and social change. Our digital platform is activating 6 million young people (and counting!) to create offline impact in every US area code and in 131 countries.