Ask Freddie: “How Do You Get Over Heartbreak?”

“Ask Freddie” is a monthly advice column where Freddie, DoSomething’s Director of Mobile Messaging, answers anonymous questions from DoSomething members. The topics are always different -- the answers are always REAL. Are you seeking advice? Ask Freddie an anonymous question.

Question: How do you get over someone you have feelings for that it is definitely not going to work out? It takes me literal months to years, and there's one person in particular it's just dead impossible to do completely and I'm so frustrated.

Dear Frustrated,

I know it feels “dead impossible” to get over this one, but I promise you -- it’s not! I know it doesn’t feel like that now, but from my own experiences, I know there’s a brighter, better light at the end of this.

Let’s take a step back. Right now it sounds like you’re in that place where no matter what you do, you can’t stop thinking about this one particular person. They’ve got your heart feeling pressed on, your stomach in knots, and your mind searching for one free minute to not be thinking about THEM. Whether you’re brushing your teeth, doing homework, hanging with friends, or dreaming -- this person just can’t leave your mind. No wonder you’re frustrated -- it’s like, can’t your feelings about this person just give you some peace?!

I’ve been where you are, Frustrated. Many times. I’ve asked myself, when will I stop feeling like this? There’s no clear answer to that. All I can tell you is you will. One of the things that helped me get through that pain was reminding myself that I felt like this because I was and am a person capable of feeling strong emotional love. That’s a wonderful thing. Your heartbreak is borne out of something beautiful. Hold on to that.

My other piece of advice to you? Let yourself feel this. All of it. Take a day, get some tissues, and Netflix binge all the movies that bring tears to your eyes. Give yourself a total sobfest. You need to do that to get to a place of letting go. Eventually your mind and body will whisper to itself, Enough, time to move on.

As you go through this process, try taking a personal inventory of what brings you joy outside of your feelings for this person. Look for ways to discover who you are again. Make time to spend with your friends. Is there a hobby you’ve put down for a bit? Pick it up again. Look for volunteer opportunities in your community -- take your mind off that person by spending time with people you love, doing things you love to do and, if you’re ready for it, helping others. I promise you will heal soon, and emerge as a stronger person having gone through this experience.

Find your light,

Freddie

P.S. Speaking of breakups, lots of people have been wondering whether the government will get back together? Does this whole government shutdown have you scratching your head like it does for me? My friend and coworker, and DoSomething’s civic engagement expert, Tej, wrote an article breaking down the news. Take 5 mins to learn about what’s going down in D.C. and what you can about it at home!