Ask Freddie: “A Boy I Like Flirts With Me. But He Also Has a Long-Distance Girlfriend”

“Ask Freddie” is a monthly advice column where Freddie, DoSomething’s Director of Mobile Messaging, answers anonymous questions from DoSomething members. The topics are always different -- the answers are always REAL. Are you seeking advice? Ask Freddie an anonymous question.

Question: Hey Freddie! So there’s this boy I like...but he has a girlfriend (long distance). Whenever we hang out with our friend group my best friend tells me that he totally flirts with me, but he could also just be really nice.

I feel like he may like me, because of small things he does, like when I talk he like really, really makes it a point to pay attention to me, and when we all part ways he hugs me, even though I’ve made it known to the group that I’m not a fan of hugs.

And unless he’s just completely oblivious I would assume that he knows that I like him, because I feel very obvious and I also asked him to dance with me at a wedding that we all attended recently. I’m totally probably just being a girl and looking too much into it, but is there any advice you could maybe give me as far as if I should do something about this “crush”? Or should I just try and get over him?

Looking forward to your reply. Thanks, Freddie!

Answer: Thanks for your question, Not A Fan of Hugs! I’ve been getting lots of questions like yours recently about the equally confusing, wonderful, and nauseating feeling of having a crush -- not having any idea how the other person feels or what you should do about it. Having a crush is the worst and best thing in the world! You’re not alone, and in fact, I picked your question because it reminded me a lot of a crush I had when I was in high school.

Let me address your main question on what should you do -- take action on your feelings or just try to get over him? My best advice to you, friend, is to do what feels right in your heart. Easier said than done, right? At the end of the day, nobody knows what’s best for you better than you. With that said, this is what I’ve done, and what I try to encourage others to do -- take risks.

Take a risk, but know that risk could bring an outcome you don’t want, or an outcome that feels painful. This boy does have a girlfriend, and even if she doesn’t live nearby, it’s still a relationship he has committed to. Tread lightly, you don’t want to hurt someone else and I’d urge you to question his intentions if he can easily flirt with you when he’s committed to someone else.

The reality is you won’t know how your crush feels unless you are honest with him and tell him how YOU feel.

You might be opening yourself up to something special, but prepare yourself to hear something you don’t want. He could not feel the same way, but at least then, in that moment, all confusion will go away and you’ll have your answer. Then, you can start to do the work of getting over him (I’ll save that advice for another day).

Before I sign off, I have one last thing to say. In your question, you said “I’m totally probably being a girl and looking to much into this.” It seems like you think that being a girl or looking into things is somehow negative. But in reality, nothing could be further from the truth. Looking into things is a wonderful quality, and only speaks to your own sense of intuition and trust in yourself. Never let anyone tell you to “not be such a girl about it.” Crush or no crush, you’re wonderful for all you are!

Freddie

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