7 Signs Your Friend Might Be Going Through It

The stressors of school, jobs, social media, technology, and turbulent political times all affect us. It has been found that “in the 10 years leading up to the pandemic, feelings of persistent sadness and hopelessness—as well as suicidal thoughts and behaviors—increased by about 40% among young people,” according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s (CDC) Youth Risk Behavior Surveillance System. And with the isolation we faced during the COVID-19 pandemic a lot of us experienced feelings of sadness and loneliness. Even with the end of quarantine, 49% of our members have stated that their mental health and wellbeing has gotten worse over the past year.

We know the struggle is real! That’s why DoSomething’s Camp Reboot, powered by Blue Shield of California as a part of their BlueSky Initiative, hosts activities to help you take care of your mental health. Camp Reboot features activities such as Certified Bestie, which educates and equips you with skills to support your wellbeing and help your friends with their mental health journey. And, Mind Craft, which invites you to show how you use art as a creative outlet to address mental health challenges you’re facing.

The hardships that you or your friends are going through can be very difficult to talk about. The American Psychological Association (APA), found that 71% of adults ages 18 to 34 don’t discuss their stress because they don’t want to burden others. We’re here to tell you that your mental health concerns are not a burden. So, let’s break down mental health and how being a supportive friend means looking out for underlying problems.

If you notice some of these signs that your friend may be going through it, then you can help them turn things around so that their mental health doesn’t take a back seat.

These are the signs you should look out for:

1) Backing Out of Activities They Used to Enjoy

Often after a traumatic event, people can lose the motivation to do certain things. If your friend is used to playing video games with you or you both go hang out after school at your favorite spot, a big tell that they may be experiencing a mental health issue is when they are interacting less with family and friends and overall not wanting to be social.

How Can I Help?
If you find that your friend(s) are canceling plans consistently or falling out of what they love to do, be it sports, volunteering, or dropping by on the weekend, you can help by creating a safe space and initiating conversation. Shoot your friend a text if they go M.I.A again. It could be as simple as, “Hey I’m checking in on you, you didn’t show up to XYZ and it’s not like you. Let me know when you’re ready to talk about what may be going on. I’m here to listen.”

2) Irregular Behavior on Social Media

Social platforms can be interactive, fun, and overwhelming all at the same time, but most often they’re a place where people go to show off their wins. So when you notice your friend switching up what they post online with negative self-talk, disturbing songs, videos, or artwork, even using emojis that further signal distress like weapons, it’s time to reach out.

How Can I Help?
First thing, do not comment under the post. Instead you can DM your friend and make sure you reference the post in question. A simple, “Hey what’s going on?” or “What did you mean by posting this? Is everything okay?” should help initiate a constructive conversation. If they seek to take the talk offline, meeting up at a coffee shop or park is the way to go. Talk about how you wondered if their posts may be related to a problem or issue that they haven’t talked about yet.

3) Skipping Class Too Often

Attending class can be overwhelming for young people when they are experiencing mental health problems. It could be difficult to focus on lesson plans, engage in classroom activities, or interact with your peers. If you begin noticing that your friend begins skipping school way too often - it’s time to advocate on their behalf.

How Can I Help?
Talk to that friend and ask them if they would like you to talk to their teachers about what’s been causing them to skip school. Sometimes, it can be difficult for young people to describe how they’re feeling to authority figures like teachers, or even parents for that matter - but when you can become the voice that your friend needs, you may be able to help them find the right words.

4) Changes in Their Physical Appearance

We use clothes, makeup, and different hairstyles to express how we feel every day. Sometimes it’s Crocs and comfy sweatpants when we want to feel restful, other times we want to show off the drip and strike up a cool new fashion trend if we’re feeling confident. So when you see a friend that has experienced drastic changes in weight or does not have the same motivation to present their best selves, this is a telltale sign that they are experiencing depression.

How Can I Help?
Ask the question, “I noticed you’ve been looking a little tired lately, is there anything that’s been keeping you up at night? Or something that’s making you feel not like yourself?” Then do your best to just listen. Actively listening helps you to grasp how they respond and, if perhaps they don’t want to open up at that moment, continue to express your concerns if their changes in appearance persist.

5) Scars or Marks Showing Self-Harm

It can be tough to approach a friend about this issue. Committing an act of self-harm is a terrifying experience, so the first thing to realize is that you should not feel responsible. When we frequently feel sad and those emotions intensify, things that we may think can make us feel better aren’t always healthy for our minds and bodies. It can be hard to notice at first, however according to The Mayo Clinic, if a friend you know consistently has fresh cuts, burns, or bruises on their body, carries sharp objects, or wears long sleeves as a coverup, this may indicate they are engaging in self-harm.

How Can I Help?
Self-harm often leads to suicidal thoughts so please know that it’s best to approach a mental health professional about this concern. Talk to your friend first. Ask them if it would help to speak on their behalf or be there when they talk to their parents or a mental health professional. If the situation is time sensitive, consult a crisis textline or hotline. When you connect with a counselor, tell them that your friend has been committing self harm, needs help, and you are acting as their proxy; this way, the counselor understands that they can speak freely to you about your friend’s mental health crisis. Keep in mind, sometimes you won’t always be able to stop your friend from harming themselves, and if their acts of self-harm affect you emotionally, make sure you talk to a counselor, parent, or mental health professional for your own self-care. The only sure thing you can do is keep being a good friend.

6) Talking Badly About Themselves

Sometimes we can be hard on ourselves. You might call yourself things that are negative or self-deprecating but then move on from it as if it’s silly. But, if you start to hear your friend express feelings of worthlessness or hear them talk down on themselves often, this can be associated with anxiety and depression. They may say things such as “I’m messing up everything in my life” or “I’ve let people down” which can stem from something deeper.

How Can I Help?
When you hear your friend describe themselves, either written or verbal, in a way that is negative, follow up with questions like: “Why did you say that? What’s happening that’s making you feel that way?” When you remain curious, you’ll learn more about what the comment may really be about. And then, reassure them - remind them of things they may have done that counter those negative statements. “You are so talented, those graphic design skills are unmatched!”

7) Self-Destructive Behavior

Risk-taking behaviors such as excessive drug use, drinking alcohol, or even smoking cigarettes or vaping can signal that your friend may be going through it. According to KFF.org, “In the first year of the pandemic, drug overdose deaths more than doubled among adolescent males.” Prolonged substance abuse that stems from mental health problems can lead to serious physical harm or death, so it’s important to also be sensitive around this issue.

How Can I Help?
The key is to not diagnose their problem, but rather practice regular check-ins with them by making the space for them to open up about it. Try not to bring other people’s opinions into the conversation as well. Limit the intervention to yourself and a parent or guardian - substance abuse is not a problem you should tackle by yourself. In some cases, your friend might not want to discuss this topic right away and will try to distance themselves; however studies show that with persistent support from friends and family, people are more likely to seek professional help, so keep trying to get through.

Seeking Professional Help For Your Friend?

Being there for your friends can be hard, especially when you see them start to experience mental health issues. Just remember to approach them with sensitivity and care – the goal is to get them to open up. Take it one day at a time and regularly check-in. If the problem is more serious than what you can assist with, seeking a mental health professional is the next step. By knowing how best to help your friend with their mental health crisis, you can become more assured in helping them get through it.

If it’s urgent, call the National Suicide & Crisis Helpline by dialing 988 or text Crisis Text Line by texting HOME to 741741.

Talkspace and Betterhelp can also be great resources.